Two posts in one day! Aren’t you a lucky bunch?

Anyway, ignore the bad taste of the title, it was the first thing that came to mind (I could totally write for The Sun with headlines like that!), this is actually a vaguely importantish issue. Important in that, for a change, it isn’t talking about how much I fancy everyone or showing you something delicious off that internet. But it is still essentially only about a comic book so don’t worry, I’ll ease you out of the fluff pieces slowly.

The latest issue of Dark Horse’s Buffy The Vampire Slayer tackles a controversial issue that takes The Chosen One away from her regular demon-merking duties to face a very personal one in her decision to terminate an unwanted pregnancy. In the last issue, our girl Buffy got royally wasted at a party, did some naughty things, can’t remember much including who she slept with and ended up PG, ouch, WORST HANGOVER EVERRRRRR! But yo, it happens.

While I’ve never actually read the comics before (mostly because as much as I would like to I LITERALLY can’t read comics because I’m a bit special needs when it comes to pictures and words all on a page together, wish I was kidding) but I’ve been an ENORMOUS fan of the TV show ever since the dawn of time (read: 1997). What was always great about the show (which the comics follow suit with so I’ve been told) is that our plucky heroine deals with just as many personal problems as she does supernatural ones, so it only seems fair that an unwanted pregnancy, a situation MANY women may find themselves in at some point in their life, is just as valid an issue to address. But there’s no denying that it is a bold move on the part of the writers of the long-running series, especially in America where abortion is a constant contentious subject between pro-choice and pro-life advocates.

But let’s look at this logically, Miss Summers is hardly know for her great taste in men, she most likely banged some variant of undead, soulless creature with commitment issues (and that’s just Riley. Hohoho, BTVS nerd joke klaxon!) Is this the kind of father you would wish upon a child? And what form of being would the baby even come out as? And would it chew itself out of her womb Twilight style? Ew, who the bloody hell wants to be Bella Swan!?

All jokes aside, Buffy creator and exec producer of the comic book series, Joss Whedon, addresses the issue with Entertainment Weekly claiming that while the subject is constantly under fire, abortion is never addressed head on in the public domain and that having Buffy decide to terminate her unborn child is a backlash against the media’s celebration of teen pregnancy and in Whedon’s words “young people having babies when they are not emotionally, financially, or otherwise equipped to take care of them” (*ahem* Teen Mom, Juno, The Secret Life of the American teenager etc.), a category that he believes Buffy definitely falls under.

(Info injected into my brain via The Guardian)

It’s almost Valentine’s Day wahwahwah, and I’m spending it forever alone again wahwahwah. I don’t particularly care about that actually, and I don’t mean that in a “shit single girls say” way, I MEAN IT meant it! Saying that though, of course if a hawt babe (preferably Baby Goose with some tulips of course…or Larry David, whatevs, either/or) wants to come along and take me out for a romantic spicy bean burrito (not an innuendo) then SURE, but at this precise moment in time, I’m quite content in romancing my own spicy bean burrito (definitely an innuendo). That and buying stuff for people on an imaginary holiday is EXPENSIVE and I’m currently quite poor as I’m supposed to be saving money for boring grown-up stuff *barf*, so buying some dude a SuperNintendoStation360 or something would be quite an inconvenience right now to be honest.

HOWEVER, if unlike me and you aren’t an aging and bitter spinster who doesn’t even likes cats so is LITERALLY going to die alone, you might actually have to show your lover that you quite like them come Tuesday. And in this horrid dystopia, driven by capitalism, the only way to truly show someone you care about them is of course by buying them shit. Luckily for you, here I am with my clearly expert advice on how to do so without breaking the bank.

Honestly, I have but one tip for you – don’t buy generic expensive gifts just because you think you have to. There’s nothing worse than spending beyond your means in a vain attempt to impress someone with something they don’t even want. There is a simple way to avoid this without looking like a dutty cheapskate though and LET ME FILL YOU IIIIIIN.

You see fellas, if you’ve never seen your girl wearing a gold necklace before then chances are that’s because she doesn’t like gold necklaces, she probably doesn’t even like gold, she probably likes silver, or doesn’t like jewellery at all. You can completely get away with buying someone something quite reasonably priced if it makes them squeal in delight because the thing is with us, unless we’ve explicitly expressed an interest in something we do not previously own then you should probably save yourself the doubloons and embarrassment of an awkward “oh…thanks?” side-eye. Instead, get your partner something they’re almost guaranteed to like by either replacing something they’ve lost or run out of or just buy them something similar to something they already own. This works for pretty much everything – perfume (I’m running low on my Dior Addict btw), make-up, clothes, food, seriously. For example, girlfriend wears Vans all the time? Buy her a new pair of Vans. Boyfriend’s broken his waffle iron? Buy him a new waffle iron.  (It seems this is actually just turning into a “things to buy for Kirby” list so I might as well shoehorn my Amazon wishlist in to make sure that the last ounce of dignity I was holding onto for a rainy day is safely puked up into the internet toilet)

While you might think this sounds like a total cop-out it really isn’t, you will score double sexytime points because not only is it something your beau is almost guaranteed to like but it will look like you’re paying attention to them, and essentially, that’s what we all care about really. And bear in mind that I did say this would work for “pretty much everything” – prepare yourself for a swift backhand if you decide to get them a new Brabantia bin or something, unless he/she is REALLY into their high end bins of course then in which case go for it, and also MARRY THEM because someone who respects even their rubbish this much is someone you want respecting your combined rubbish for the rest of your lives. WOW.

Finally, yes FINALLY, the day is here! Harry Styles, my one (direction) true lust, is now 18!

On this very day in 1994 (ARGH!), mama Styles unleashed this cheeky little scamp from her womb. Unbeknownst to her that before he was even able to legally drink, her progeny would capture the hearts of tweenage – and not so tweenage, ahem – girls (read: grown women, side-eye at you, Caroline Flack) the world over as one fifth of boyband One Direction.

Whilst my burning loins of desire for Styles have hardly been a secret up until now, I can now officially feel slightly less dutty for it. And I mean slightly, as things are put into perspective when you discover that on the day he put his first boob in his mouth, you were probably trying to get the moves down for Whigfield’s ‘Saturday Night’ at your first juniors school disco, whilst wearing the Global Hypercolor t-shirt and L.A. Lights you got for Christmas. Told you! He probably doesn’t even know what a Global Hypercolor t-shirt is, SADFACE.

Since then, I’m pretty sure he’s put lots more boobs in his mouth other than his mum’s, and here’s to many more Hazza! Preferably mine, but whatevs.

Good grief, it’s a mash-up of Hellboy and Charlie Brown. Poor Chuck, no matter which fictional universe he’s in, he’ll always be a blockhead.

Click through for some more of the Peanuts gang, Hellboyified.

Seeing as this video’s had 4,618,423 views in like 24 hours (423 of those being me) you have more than likely already seen it but shut up and watch it again because she rules! LET’S OPEN UP THIS PIT!

As if 2012 wasn’t shaping up to be a good enough year already for HRH Queen Beyonce, first she has a (we’re presuming) beautiful baby girl, and then…she’s just had the highest of honours bestowed upon her by the, err, insect science people community: She has a horsefly named after her!

Not just any horsefly, a ultra rare, golden reared horsefly discovered in 1981 (The year of our queen’s birth) with junk in the trunk. It was discovered alongside two other horseflies, that are as yet un-named, but we’re just going to go right ahead and dub them “Kelly” and “Michelle.”

HOLD THE BLOODY BURGER PHONE!! The second and third (respectively) best 90s pop/R&B princesses, Brandy and Monica (don’t even bother asking who number one is, it should go without saying) are teaming up again on a new track for the first time in 14 years! Monica done did a tweet yesterday letting slip that she was up in the studio with her pal. SEE!

Other than the fact that I’m actually quite upset that they’re mates irl, I was secretly hoping they were still beefing over Mehki, I’m mostly stoked on this as I look forward to reenacting the song with my frenemy du jour, much like I’ve done with ‘The Boy Is Mine’ quite regularly since 1998, ASAP! So let us just take a moment to recall the majesty that was the last time they hit the studio together, shall we?

[Gossip via Idolator. Excitement via me]

SHE’S HERE! The offspring of the most divine power couple since Orpheus and Eurydice that is Queen Bey and Hov, HRH Blue Ivy Carter, finally decided to grace us with her messianic presence on Saturday and somewhere between feeding, burping and AM nappy changing (yeah, right) Jigga somehow managed to find some time to record a song featuring his new born daughter (seriously wtf?), the head B.I.C. and post it on his official blog. Yes, that is her crying at the end. And yes, this is me crying in my bedroom, wahwahwahhhhhhh!! Welcome to the world Baby Blue and welcome Jay-Z to our neverending ‘people we wish were our dad’ list.

We can all live out our childhood fantasies of being just like Ariel with this crab bra from Laura Jacobs — all we need now is a devilishly good-looking prince to encourage us into giving up our voice in exchange for a vagina.

The long-awaited, much delayed, often procrastinated spectacular is here! Team Duchess are proud to present 8 Bitches, a series of posts on casual games for bad bitches.

We know, we’re girls, we shouldn’t play games; but we’re also girls who are obsessed with umm, a little thing called THE NINETIES, and we promise that all games will be retro enough to fool even Tia and Tamera. Stay tuned for our first post, and let us know what you think.

xoxo Gossip Ghost